Laree' Griffith

Years ago, my daughter and I went to the Seattle Science Center and went in a simulator of a boxcar. It’s kind of like you see in those vintage gold mine photos, like a mountain mine ride going down steep mountainsides, barely on the rails and out of control. 

The “boxcar” would shake and bounce and jolt as your eyes were glued to the scene simulator in front of you. We were hanging on for dear life, it was so real. 

There were about six of us in the simulator, and suddenly this little boy screamed, “We’re all going to die!” 

Obviously, we didn’t, but we did experience the janky railroad cart, hairpin turns, tunnels, and moments of going off the rails. 

Our thoughts about that situation were what created the actual response.

Today I want to share some experiences I’ve had with the stress-induced response of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and offer that there is a fifth one that I have experienced. It has made such a huge difference in how I deal with that adrenaline rush. I’m actually kind of surprised that it’s not considered along with the rest of these. It even starts with an F.

Here are the four that we typically experience with this type of stress response:

• Fight: facing any perceived threat aggressively.
• Flight: running away from the danger.
• Freeze: the inability to move or act when faced with a threat.
• Fawn: acting to avoid conflict by “pleasing and appeasing” others. 

I’m not a psychologist so I’m not going to go into the anatomy of the response. I’m just sharing my experience and how I’m able to move through it by using a fifth response. 

These are all very common responses to anything that is outside our comfort zone. If we don’t understand these reactions and don’t allow ourselves to work through it, the stress will get the best of us and lower the quality of our lives, or at least keep us from creating our best lives in the short time we have here. 

Of course, if you don’t want to leave that comfort zone, that is perfectly fine.

This episode is for the person who clearly wants to create something but making it happen is outside their comfort zone. When they think about it and actually know the next step they need to take, they go into a state of fight or flight and their brain is shouting, “We’re all going to die!”

I’ve been experiencing this response in almost every area of my life. But for the first time, I’m actually working through it instead of running back into my comfort zone or settling for a feeling of constant, low-grade anxiety. I’ve actually gotten comfortable with that feeling because it’s been my default to wake up with a feeling of anxiety, but enough is enough.

I could also fight by self-sabotage, or by going out of my way to avoid the thing I really want.

Instead, I use the fifth response: “feeling.

Choosing to feel. For me, this option offers itself for just a split second so I have to choose it quickly once I’m triggered by something. This will sound a little bit like the freeze response but it’s much different. 

It’s all about intentionally engaging with the feelings you are having, not reacting to them but feeling them completely and deeply. To actually reach out and touch them, observe them, stay still, silent…for long enough to realize you’re not going to die. 

Then you can respond with a sense of presence and intention.

You may feel exactly like you’re going to die but you’re not. Here’s what I discovered; this is my experience, anyway. And I’m still in it so I can speak very clearly about it. 

When you choose to stay still (not freeze), you engage with the actual feeling in your body. For me it feels like these big waves of sadness, joy, possibility; it feels like an opening up; it feels raw and beautiful and ugly all at the same time. It’s pretty freaking wild. 

It’s kind of like going to an opera. You know, in movies you see that character in the balcony, often a tough guy or a cold-hearted person. They just start crying. I think that is what is happening – they’re releasing that fight or flight response and just really feeling into it. 

It’s only when I start attaching thoughts to those feelings that it becomes a problem. 

So, it’s that moment of choosing not to react. Again, don’t confuse this with the freeze response. 

You actually choose to not react and instead just be still and feel whatever you’re feeling until you get to that place where you realize you’re not going to die. Keep feeling it for however long it needs to be there. It’s not going to hurt you. Once you pass through, you will be able to continue on whatever journey it is that you’re on.  

You might only make it a couple of blocks before the fight or flight response comes up again. That’s okay. Embrace it. Pretend you’re at the opera and just observing and taking it all in; ride the waves of whatever comes up. It’s actually an amazing experience if you can allow yourself to have it. 

I just really wanted to share that this week, and hopefully whoever needs to hear this message will so that they can finally get to the other side and create their best life and work to share with the world.

Thanks for listening! 

Rejection sucks, and for many creatives, particularly the highly sensitive ones like myself, it can feel debilitating to have your work rejected over and over again.  

Our default brain is always going to bring up the fight or flight sensation when we experience rejection, even when we are just thinking about the possibility of rejection. 

But we don’t have to accept this response, and the more you practice this reframing of rejection, the easier it will be to move through it.

So, I want to offer you a perspective that may help you process rejection in a healthier way, one that will keep you motivated and sharing your work with the world.

It’s the idea of learning to take rejection like a professional. 

It’s a valuable skill so I hope you will try this idea on if it resonates with you.

A good example of taking rejection like a professional is that the majority of working and aspiring actors in Hollywood have to go to 150 to 200 auditions before booking one role. They physically put themselves in front of casting directors and agents and risk rejection every single day to land that one role. 

Now, the casting agents are not rejecting the actor personally; the actor just does not fit the specifics they are looking for in that particular role. It has nothing to do with the value of the actor as a person. 

A casting agent’s job is to sort, and rejecting is a sorting process. It’s not personal – it’s business. 

And that is true when it comes to producers choosing which projects they will have on their slate, same with book publishers, and art galleries, etc. Anyone buying from a creative artist is a sorter. 

When you put your work out there, think of it like that. Whoever you are sharing it with usually has specific things they are looking for to fulfill their needs. 

You could also compare it to dating. Not everyone you date is going to be a good fit, and being rejected doesn’t mean anything about you, it just means you were not right for that person. Potential suitors are going to choose what’s best for them. 

This is why you want to practice not being attached to the outcome. 

The sooner we can stop associating our value as a person with our work being rejected, the better we are going to be at processing rejection in a manner that serves us instead of destroys us. 

That’s the first step. Really focus on separating your value as a person and as a creative artist from having your work rejected. 

This does not mean that you won’t feel the sting of rejection. You may really be excited about the prospect of working with a particular producer, publisher, or buyer, and it may be disappointing if they decide they want to go with someone else’s work. 

Allow yourself to feel that disappointment. Express your emotions and then move on. 

It should never be a reason to give up.

Also, focus on what went well, what worked, and what positive things came out of putting yourself out there. Congratulate yourself for those things. There’s always something you can take out of a rejection that you can learn from.

Reframe it as a learning experience. Did you get feedback you can use to get better at pitching your projects or elevating your craft? That one thing you learned could be worth 10 times the value you would have gotten had you not been rejected.

Fear of rejection is one of our deepest fears because of the feelings it gives us. So, we have to be able to navigate these feelings, not just pretend like they’re not there.

Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings. Internalizing your feelings with no outlet makes you feel worse, so allow yourself to express your emotions and then move on. 

Don’t assume that you did something wrong because they don’t email or call you back. Nothing has gone wrong. Follow up once or twice after a few weeks, depending on the situation, and then let it go. Your project may just not be what they’re looking for. 

Remember to think of them as casting directors. They are just sorting.

Keep putting yourself out there. Don’t be like the person who sits by the phone waiting for that one guy to call, wondering why he hasn’t or if he ever will. 

I see this with screenwriters all the time. Someone requests a script from them and they just stop everything and obsess over hearing back from that one producer.   

Stay focused on your end game before a rejection – and after one. It’s only by going through the rejection and not giving up that you can get to the other side where all the good stuff is.

Do you have a good support system with people you can connect with when you’re feeling extra vulnerable? A mentor, a coach, a group of people who are on the same journey?

I always go back to that quote, “You’re either winning or learning.” What is one thing you learned in this Tiny Talk to move your project forward? 

P.S. As a creativity coach, I listen and focus on what you want and what is keeping you from getting there. If you are finding yourself constantly stuck in the same rut and you’re not sure how to get out of it, I can help. Book a free consultation and find out how we can work together and get your projects out into the world where they belong.

How do you make progress on your projects or in your career, or even just manage your day, when life gets under your skin? This sometimes happens for extended periods and even for seasons.

I have a great little tool for that! 

It is possible to hold space for a crazy kind of life and still get your important creative projects done such as writing that book or screenplay, creating a body of art, producing a play, whatever your creative goals are. 

You don’t have to wait for everything to calm down before you move forward – just a side note. I’m not saying you should just plow through at all costs; it’s a choice like everything else and sometimes, the best choice is to take a break from your creative projects and fully engage with whatever else is going on. 

I want to share with you a tool that I use every day to help me stay on track even when things feel like crap, or when life becomes super challenging but I’ve committed to showing up.  

It’s called The Box and I use it before I get on any coaching calls with my clients or when I want to focus on writing content or working on a project.

As a coach, I get paid to fully focus on a client and their obstacles and projects so they can move forward after each and every session. If I am in my head worried about my own life, the bills, what I’m going to have for dinner, or I’m thinking about one of my personal relationships, it means I’m not fully present for my client. They’re not getting the full value of the coaching session if I’m only half present. 

It’s the same with when I’m writing my podcast or working on a screenplay. If I have split energy with one foot in my head and the other in the world of my screenplay, it’s going to show in my work and that work will not have the impact I want it to have. 

Here’s what I do; it’s my little ritual so please feel free to make it your own.

I have a box. It’s a little 4×6 decorative black and white paper box. What I do is before each coaching call, I do a brain dump onto paper of all the thoughts swimming around in my head, my mental to-do list, anything that is causing me anxiety when I let my mind run around. 

Then I tell myself that I will come back to these things but for now, they are not to disturb me until whatever task or event I have planned is complete. 

Sometimes the little box acts like a jack-in-the-box and I have to stuff its little body back in the box but most of the time, the thoughts stay in the box until I let them out again. 

After the thoughts are safely tucked away in the box, I remind myself that what I have in this moment is everything I need; I am sufficient, I am ready to serve, and the only thing I need to do is be present for my client.

Give it a try the next time you want to focus on something and see if it helps. 

I think this may be the shortest episode yet! That is why I call it Tiny Talks – I like to keep things to the point, short, and instantly applicable.  

If you would like to dive deeper and work with a coach on any of the topics I talk about on the podcast, please sign up for a free consult and see if we might be a good fit to work together on your creative projects. 

I just learned this new concept from my coach – there are two types of results. 

We have accomplished results that we have achieved and we have working results that we’re still working on. Those are the only two results you can possibly have. 

An accomplished result is any result you currently have. For instance, you could have a result of optioning your screenplay or you can have a result of your screenplay being rejected. You could lose 25 pounds or gain 25 pounds. Those are accomplished results, although some people might perceive the results as positive or negative. But when we take the drama out of the story, they are all just neutral accomplished results. 

If you were writing a screenplay and you spent six months doing it, and the result was that it didn’t sell, some writers would say that was a bad result and a waste of time. 

Another writer would say it was the perfect result because in the process of writing that screenplay, they gained skills that will make it possible to write a future screenplay; they made connections that will help them in the future to sell or get hired eventually as a writer on a project. 

The point is that the result itself was neutral. It is what the writer attached to it that made it positive or negative – it was a choice. 

The first writer will use the accomplishment of finishing that screenplay against himself because in the end, he didn’t accomplish his big goal. Even though he is so much closer to the big goal that he wants, much closer than before he wrote the screenplay, he decides it was a waste of time because it did not accomplish his ultimate goal of selling it. He decides to make it mean all sorts of crappy things about himself and he gives up.   

This is where the danger sets in because now you are training your brain to discredit any result that is not the result you want.

As creatives, we really need to break out of this mentality if we are going to move our projects forward, finish them, and get them out into the world. You have to start taking responsibility for every result you get and use all of the results for you and never against you.

Working results are from when you first start out on a project until you accomplish the finished result. It’s the space in between. It’s the work. 

You have to be okay with being there in the in-between. I did a podcast last year called The Space in Between where I talk all about this, so you can check that out if you want to learn more about that in-between space that often feels kind of awkward and uncomfortable.

When you shift how you think about results, it’s going to inspire your work, give you more energy, and reinforce your commitment to your projects. You now know that every result is a result that you created and is going to move you closer to the finish line. 

Even if you can’t see the finish line, you can trust that every result, working or accomplished, is getting you closer to the finish line if you look at it through the lens of achievement instead of good versus bad. Trust it no matter how many times you fall down or fail.

When you accept responsibility for your results and look at each one through a neutral lens, you can start asking yourself, “How did I create that result? What decision did I make that got me to that result? What have I done or not done? What do I need to do differently that will fuel the next result?”

Even if you accomplished nothing today, that is still a result, not a failure or a loss. It’s just a result to be looked at and you get to choose how you think about that result and use it to move you forward. I think this concept is pretty powerful.

I think is why a lot of people give up. They just look at any result that is less than the big result they wanted and chalk it up as a failure, and then continue to process every result as a failure or less than until they finally throw in the towel, believing that they have no power over their results. 

Seriously embrace and celebrate every result achieved, even if it’s zero sum, and be open to the in-progress working results – the in-between of where you are now and your big goal. 

How can you not succeed when you have that much agency over your creative process? 

As a creator, you will spend pretty much all of your time in unaccomplished results, which is the work, and a very small amount of time with the accomplished results. This is okay; this is the life of a creator. We create, we create, we create; we accomplish; we create, we create, we create; we create until we accomplish. Rinse and repeat. 

This was a very tiny Tiny Talk but I wanted to keep it to the point so you can really digest this concept. I think it is quite possibly the most valuable concept I’ve learned this week. I’m choosing to marinate in it for the rest of the month and I hope you will join me. We can hang out together in the hot tub of working results until we get an accomplished result, which we are going to use as movement toward our big goal. Sound good?

As I was thinking about my coaching style and process, I decided I would write a manifesto of what I believe are the seven pillars of my practice and what I want to work on with others. 

I also plan on revisiting this manifesto every quarter to elevate it and hone in even more on the power of these seven pillars. 

These pillars have allowed me to move toward a bigger version of myself, not just as a creator but as a human being. They allow me to experience life more fully and make the most of my time on earth. 

These are the pillars that have changed my life and that I want to build my practice upon so they can change the lives of my clients, too.

Too many creatives focus only on the result or reward of what they create or consume. They think they have to earn a happy life and that success is what brings them happiness. They are waiting for happiness – or success – and they think it’s out there somewhere and that it must be earned and given to them by someone else. 

There is a better way, and I believe that cultivating these seven areas of your life will create a life that is lived fully, one where you take responsibility for how you walk in the world and have your own back no matter what is happening in the outside world.

Here’s the manifesto I came up with about these seven pillars.

Creativity

It’s not just what you create in the world but how you create, using your abilities, your talent, your dreams, your inspiration, your own passions, and collaborations.

I believe everyone is wildly creative, far beyond what they believe about themselves. 

I’m on a mission to strike the phrase “I’m just not creative” off the face of the earth. It’s a big old thought error.

I believe creativity can change the world far more powerfully and efficiently than politics, boundaries, or rules and regulations ever could.  

Productivity

Productivity is how you make the most of your time, but it’s not about seeing how much you can check off your to-do list or how many tasks you can stuff into your calendar.

It’s about making room for the things that matter to honor our limited time here on this planet.

I believe that productivity is what allows us to add massive value to the world.

I believe that productivity and creativity can be best friends. 

Simplicity is the key to productivity.

Inspiration

It’s the fire that burns inside each of us and fuels our existence. 

I believe inspiration can come from anywhere, anyone, anything, and at any time.

I believe that the inspiration pillar is fueled by the other six pillars. 

Inspiration cultivates commitment, courage, and creativity.

Health

It’s both your mental and physical energy.

I believe in integrated health – it’s not just what we consume through our mouths but what we consume through our brains.

Good physical health and good mental health are what sustain and elevate all the other pillars.

Being healthy is contagious and has a ripple effect on the world and its resources.

Good mental and physical health cultivate the sustainable energy necessary for creating what you want in this world. 

Feeling good mentally and physically creates the kinds of thoughts that inspire you into action. 

I believe in eating consciously.

I believe in thinking intentionally.

Relationships

High-quality relationships will lift you up above the noise and oppression.

They challenge you to become the best version of yourself.

I believe in surrounding yourself with people you love being around.

Good relationships create purpose. 

I believe even introverts and shy people need strong relationships. 

Joy

Like inspiration, joy wells up from inside of you. 

I believe that joy is a gift that comes from gratefulness. 

I believe joy inspires the other six pillars.

I believe joy is an appreciation of where you are right now.  

Joy is a state of sufficiency.

Sharing Your Work in the World

Sharing your work in the world can bring prosperity.

When you prosper, you can share more with others.

Sharing your work can add massive value to the world or to just one person. 

Sharing your work can inspire the world to change.

Sharing your work can create opportunities for you and many others.

Sharing your work is an invitation to the universe to collaborate with you.

Sharing your work is exciting.

Sharing your work in the world cultivates inner strength and healthy vulnerability.

Ready to get on the playing field? As a creativity coach and screenwriter, I can help you take your idea from concept to completion so you can get your work out into the world where it belongs.

Book a free consultation and find out how we can work together.